Here’s what Broadsheet editorial director Katya Wachtel, Broadsheet Melbourne deputy editor Nick Buckley and Broadsheet commercial editor Marcus Teague had to say.
Not all offices are lucky enough to be in close proximity to the city’s best cafes. And not everyone can afford to spend more than $10 a day on espresso. And for many of us – including that colleague who proclaims daily it “tastes better anyway” - the office’s instant-coffee tins are the only viable options to get that morning hit.
It’s because of this we decided to help you out by getting some of our office friends at Broadsheet to blind review a selection of the instant-coffee varieties on the market.
Here’s what Broadsheet editorial director Katya Wachtel, Broadsheet Melbourne deputy editor Nick Buckley and Broadsheet commercial editor Marcus Teague had to say.
KATYA
Smells like brewed coffee you get at an American diner, or an airport, or a motel. Which I'm not opposed to. It's actually not un-smooth, but kind of tastes like hot water with coffee flavouring added to it, rather than the real thing.
NICK
The weak aroma didn't make it through my small moustache. Tastes like someone put tobacco in your tea bag. Not necessarily a bad thing if you punch darts.
MARCUS
Smells like a regional tennis club in winter. Or wafers on the table of a boardroom. Like coffee-flavoured dust licked off a flyscreen. Stale caramel Kit Kat (that’s a positive). Tart, chemical finish.
KATYA
Smells like really strong diner coffee, tastes like a Starbucks Red Eye. Feel like this is an instant French roast of some kind. More bitter than the first, but gets better with some air. My advice would be to decant before drinking.
NICK
Smells like Cabury Caramilk. Sweet and rare. Tastes like a very clean and well maintained dreadlock.
MARCUS
Smells much more of burnt malt. Tastes better, smoother. Has more pleasant honeyed and caramel notes. Still a ghostly chemical, dusty aftertaste when the flavour trails off. Kind of flat experience.
KATYA
This smells roast-ier than the first two, but tastes thin. A little river watery. Bitter.
NICK
Smells like roasted chestnuts. Tastes like you dropped that little conker into the ashes before it made it to your mouth.
MARCUS
Hint of sweetness on the nose. Milder. Chemical hints of flavour. Like a passing balloon popped and sprayed that weird white balloon dust in my face. Damp bracken. Big M box residue. Filtered cardboard. A narrow flavour.
KATYA
Looks like a real cup of coffee with a legit crema. Sour-tart to taste, which I'm generally a fan of. My co-testers were not into this one at all, but I feel this is a palate thing. I've had worse, including during this taste test.
NICK
Smells like crayons. Tastes like you melted all the crayons and all the colours mixed together to produce coffee brown.
MARCUS
Smells like an ancient dim sim. Tastes like someone spilled a 2-minute noodle sachet in before the coffee. Refuse to go further. Offensive. Un-coffee.
KATYA
Good crema, looks like real coffee. Tastes like real coffee. We're still nowhere near good espresso or filter territory here, but it's the smoothest of the bunch (goes head to head on smoothness with number one I think). I'm betting this is Moccona, which I spent a fair amount of time with at uni. It's still got it.
NICK
Easily the winner. The weird floaty orange bits in the crema leave you contemplating its chemical make up. It's a thought-provoking brew. Actually tastes like coffee. Has a touch of the astringency of espresso. Would drink again.
MARCUS
Smell: could be convinced maybe this was real coffee. Taste: servo coffee. Acceptable-ish.
